So, I Must Accept it and Continue On

Well, I know I have not posted in months and months...I was so busy with websites that I put my own blog on the back burner. So much has happened.

My love, my life, my best friend, my heart.....my loving husband Mike passed away on November 12 of a sudden, massive heart attack. I am numb...just numb. I can't focus long enough to work on sites...and ask that my clients please give me time. They have all been wonderful. I am able to do a little more each day, but my mind is not in it right now, as I am sure you can understand.

First I stayed with my sons...but it felt wrong....I needed to be home, in our home. I feel better being here. I can still smell his scent ... his robe is still on the bathroom door, I can't bear to take it down. He is here with me, I feel it. I need him to be here with me, I can't seem to leave the house, although everyone is trying to make me do so. I don't want to. I feel better here. Leaving the house and doing things without him hurts immensely. Everyone wants me to come stay with them. I appreciate what they are trying to do, but right now, I need to stay here. I hope they understand that I may not be thinking so rational right now. But this is what I need. I sit in his chair. I listen to his music (he was a singer/songwriter) . I have to. I am too young to lose my husband. I know I am not the first, but it does not make it easier.
When I work on my computer, I get an email with some sort of good news, and get up and go to the living room to tell him....but he's not there. I just can't seem to accept this. He can't be gone. He is out somewhere and will be home soon. Thats what I have to make myself believe, otherwise I will lose my mind. We were so close, so very close.
We argued about nothing....well except the vacuum. He likes, or I should say, liked, his big old wet vac...I hated it....I just wanted a normal vacuum that I didn't have to lug around. He won.
Thats ok....
Now that it is almost a month....I finally instead of just feeling sorry for myself....I realize just how lucky I am. I was married for 28 years to a drop dead gorgeous, the best father in the world ,kind hearted to everyone he met. People who I could only tolerate...he always found the best in them. That was Mike. Everyone loved him...everyone.....but most of all, me. It was always so comforting having him around. When I started designing websites instead of working outside the home, we were together 24 hours a day. Still....no fights no arguments...we were a team...and knew what each other was thinking. I will always love him and miss him terribly.

Please forgive me for going on and probably making no sense. I needed to put my feelings in writing.

Now, I hope to update this blog regularly, take down last years christmas designs....and make my husband proud.

I love you Mike, I will always miss you....my heart is broken......I know you are singing from Heaven now....